31 augusti 2011

Its not even noon and im already having a nervous breakdown

Roughly two months ago i decided it was time for a change. Things in my life weren't heading in the direction i really wanted them to head, so i decided to change things up a bit. After a solid 6 months of hard work in the gym, bulking up from about 72 to just under 80 kilos, i decided i needed to cut, or diet.

I knew that it wouldn't be an overnight process, i knew it wouldn't be easy and i knew it wouldn't be cheap. It came with its costs, some which don't need to be mentioned and others like the obvious, such as money and time sacrificed and friends or even loved ones being lost. It seems as if i put a lot at stake with going on this diet, many people don't even realize that. Its not as easy as running every morning, its about constantly being hungry, constantly having to eat the same meals, for 15 weeks, every single fucking day. It wasn't fun, no not at all. I had my fair share of support, mostly from my gym partner and also i lot from Tippan, my ex. With these two people pushing me i had to push on through the diet. A few weeks back i got sick at a friends place, decided to fuck it for the first 4 weeks and train and diet through it. After that i realized i couldn't continue and had to take penicillin which meant no training for 10 days and no dieting. I went up about 2 kilos that 10 days but quickly lost it.

Literally the day after i finished my penicillin cycle i became sick YET AGAIN, no thanks to all the people in my house. Everyone is sick in my house atm, it fucking sucks. And with that, i'm now sick for the 6th week in total and im being forced to put my diet on hold.

I was so close to my end goal i could almost taste it. Literally a month away at the max, having already dropped 10kilos plus another 2.5kilos after going up after the penicillin cycle. Right now i'm sitting here in tears, i'm not gonna lie. I'm so fucking emotional right now and now one seems to give a fuck. Its not all fun and shinnanigans being on a diet, not when u dedicate every single day to it. And u push yourself through all the rough times one can possibly have, like I've had the last few weeks. I stuck to it, most of the time. Sure i may have slacked now and then but whatever, i was always under deficit at the end of the week.

With that being said i'm sorry, to all the people who have pushed me and supported me the last two months. I've let all of you down, but my body is not ready for this. It cannot continue. 10 weeks all gone down the drain because of some useless fucking bacteria. Fuck you nature. I did this to myself, i was stubborn and retarded and refused to listen to my body when it was trying to tell me something was wrong, and now it's too late.

Here's some progress pics, taken yesterday. 66.0 kilos on the day.


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