10 oktober 2011

Coach in training and Day 2 - My First Love

I give up, I just don't have the time or the drive force to do this day to day posting about myself. Instead i'll post every now and then, most prob once every two or three days addressing each topic! 

Sitting here in front of the computer, been here a while now actually lol. Today I officially became a student of Sweden once again, now that my Applied Sports Coaching course has taken off. I am now officially a coach in training haha.. Was interesting, I have to admit. First off just the mental feeling, the placebo I guess, of not just sitting at home doing NOTHING. Now at least I'm doing some thing that is some what constructive with my time! The teaching is based on distance, so for those of you who don't know, like me lol, it's done over the internet. The uni sends me information, assignments, videos and even lectures through a digital platform they have for the school. So far, day 1 and lecture one is done. Today it was about Coaching Philosophy! Damn I thought I was gonna be done with all the philosophical mumbojumbo stuff when I finished school.. Sadly, I was very mistaken. It seems as if coaching and philosophy play a hand in hand role. But then again what can one NOT apply to philosophy..? Food philosophy? Nah that's probably a real thing haha!

Hit the gym today as well, got a slight pain in my left shoulder, which I've actually had ever since I can even remember lol. Most prob something I should have checked but it comes and goes so i'm not entirely sure about it yet.. Like I said, ever since I can remember I've had it - that's prob not a good thing!

Right so, MY FIRST LOVE. Lol.

What kind of love are we talking about here? In my head im thinking hmmm, my dog Shadow from when I was a kid? My passion for surfing? Or the first food or song I possibly loved once upon a time? Hmm. No I'm pretty sure we're talking the straight up conventional I_love_you kind of love. This one won't be too hard then haha.

Born in 1993, sandy blonde hair and big green eyes. Pursed lips, small frame and a few summer freckles. That's the face of my first love. Quite a strange name I must say, it started with an X although she was basically never called that, much like me and my real name (ey that's one thing we had in common!). Either way, this girl went to my school, was two years younger than me, we had one class together in my final year at school, and we shared a few basic mutual friends. Straight up I can honestly say, that I really loved this girl. No, I still do. If she was to call me in the middle of the night crying, which ironically she has done, I wouldn't hesitate to take her in. The thing is, we broke up about 3 or 4 months ago. I dedicated so much time to her, lost so many friends to her, lost my entire social life to her, fuck I even lost myself to her for a while. I was so infatuated, in love, strung up on this girl it was crazy. Don't get me wrong, I really truly honestly loved her, and didn't mind giving up all those things just to be with her. I did exactly that. I stopped training, stopped being social with friend circles, pretty much alienated myself for those weekends of just "us". I loved the times we spent together and I hated the times we were apart. 

After living together for almost a year and a half one realizes how dependent one becomes upon the other person in question - in this case my ex girlfriend. I realized how I slowly became obsessed with the thought of being around her and spending time with her. She didn't seem to mind that though, and life went on. Us two, living in our own bubble of sex, drugs and rock and roll. Well, not exactly but almost ;) Couple life was both easy and hard, both fulfilling and unfulfilled and both happy and unhappy all at the same time. It can really get into ones psyche, if you're not too careful. To this day, I regret a lot of the things we said and did to each other, not that fighting was our forte - we didn't fight too much. In fact it took almost a year until we had our first REAL fight.. by that I don't mean small little arguments. I remember it clearly, I sat in her kitchen and she was hitting and screaming at me, telling me I was useless pretty much and that getting together was a mistake. I remember so specifically how as the words left her mouth I stood up, asked her if she realized exactly what she had just said and tried to leave. She never let me. I should have. I let he lure me back to the bedroom where we sat and talked for a while, and everything kind of just blew over. The next day it was back to normal. 

I know this post seems kind of one sided but I don't want you guys out there to think for one second I regretted it. Despite all the small regrets at the time, and maybe the few now I definitely think that we both benefited from us being together in the long run. Put aside all the losing friends and connections and gym time etc, and look at it from the whole personal growth perspective. For that, X, if you are reading this, I cannot thank you enough. I loved you, love you and always will love you. No matter where we are in the world, after spending 1.5 years together when you are younger than 20, I will never turn you down or shut a door in your face. I could keep writing, forever it feels like about this girl but I don't feel it's needed. I gave the basics, now here's a picture and a song most suited to her. Once again, don't get me wrong with the song choice lol...

Props to the Black Keys for this tung song btw! Oh damn non-Swedes don't know what tung means.. It means, simply, heavy, epic, awesome.

Btw, no life haxx today this post is already long enough as it is!

Peace out TUNG!

1 kommentar:

  1. writing big posts like this every day is not possible ( i think) but as long as you keep that good work up, i'll come again ;D